182031 – THE HOT TUB IS TOO HOT

The drive to San Antonio took us a little over an hour and a half – just enough time to piece together the fragmented memories of the night before. Most of what happened last night is pretty fuzzy, but I do vaguely remember watching an effeminate Austrian man having sex with his pygmy boyfriend. And after that, I know we went and saw Bruno.

Upon arrival in San Antonio, Kyle and I were both struck by the Latin feel of the city. Spanish Colonial architecture abounds and the vast majority of passers-by looked mestizo. Seeing so many Latin Americans reminded me of my girlfriend Francella, how much I missed her, and to lock my car.

Our plan for San Antonio was pretty simple: visit the Alamo, take a romantic stroll down the River Walk, and eat at De Wese’s Tip Top Café. The Alamo was crowded, hot, and pretty underwhelming.


Thankfully, the River Walk did not disappoint. Winding for several miles through the heart of the city, the San Antonio River is shaded by overhanging trees and is located 20 or 30 feet below street level. A cool breeze was running along the banks – a welcome respite from the 100+ degree temperatures on the streets.


After visiting the Alamo and River Walk, we got a room at the Comfort Inn, had a swim, and prepared ourselves for a meal at the Tip Top.


Laura insisted that we order the chicken fried steak with onion rings. We did so. The chicken fried steak was insanely huge; it covered the entire plate, at least a foot in diameter. With no room left on the plate, the sides (salad, fries, biscuit, and white gravy) were strewn on top of the steak. The onion rings were delicious and stacked about knee-high. In a truly masochistic Kobayashian display, Kyle and I refused to stop eating until both plates were clean. I’ve honestly never been so full. After paying for our feast, we waddled across the parking lot, stopping no less than four times for breathers on the way to the car. Kyle enjoyed the meal so much that he bleached his hair and made this video.

Today, we’ll be throwing 500+ miles at the Gray Ghost as we enter the great abyss that is West Texas.

- Sean

181924 – Austin. Austin, Massachusetts.

Greetings from the Seanster. I’d like to begin this blog entry the way I will be beginning all future entries: by saying “Go fuck yourself, Jacksonville TX!” With that out of the way, let me tell you all about our time in Austin.

Yesterday morning, Kyle and I stumbled out of our airbed to find Laura cooking us an unreal breakfast of cranberry pancakes, applewood bacon, fruit salad, and sausage. This was quite a departure from our normal road breakfast, which generally consists of bread, sunflower seeds, Nerds, and our own toenails.

After breakfast, I ran out to get the oil changed (3000 miles already!!) while Laura’s boyfriend David bought a bunch of Austin-brewed beer. At around 10:30am, we started drinking them. At around noon, tequila was being poured. By around 2:00pm, I’m almost positive that some more things happened. By 4:30pm, I bet we had done some other stuff. At around 7:30pm, we probably went somewhere. We were all at a place doing things at 11:30pm.

Pictures:

This guitar playing man made me really happy:
Thumbs up party with David:
Hats are pretty cool I guess:
Dueling piano bar:
We saw Bruno at the Alamo Drafthouse. David passed out on a table during the opening credits.









6th street was insane. Austin was weird but we both really liked it. It was awesome seeing Laura again; she and David were excellent tour guides & hosts. It should be a quick ride down to San Antonio today. Adios amigos!


- Sean

181904 - Soundtrack to a Roadtrip

Hey everyone - a quick post from the Seanster and the KyGuy. Here are the Top 10 bro anthems from the trip.
1. “For Reasons Unknown” by The Killers
2. “All In My Head” by Nick Lachey
3. “Any Way You Choose To Give It” by The Black Ghosts
4. “Your Visits Are Getting Shorter” by Bloc Party
5. “Beautiful” by Seankon ft Kyle O’Donnis & Georgie Offishall
6. “Turn My Swag On” by Soulja Boy
7. “1901” by Phoenix
8. “I’m Not Alone” by Calvin Harris
9. “Old White Lincoln” by The Gaslight Anthem
10. “Day N’ Nite” by Kid Cudi

Honorable Mention:
“The Kids Don’t Stand A Chance (Chromeo Remix)” by Vampire Weekend
“Corona & Lime” by Shwayze
“Just Dance” by Lady Gaga
“When Did Your Heart Go Missing” by Rooney
“So Human” by Lady Sovereign

- Sean

181904 - Jacksonville TX: God's Asshole

We left Mississippi behind to hit up the Tops in Texas rodeo that night in Jacksonville, TX. An hour and a half after leaving Mississippi, I got a phone call from Cabot Lodge. They had found my license and credit card in the room. We had to go back and get them, adding 3 hours to the trip. It was boring, but unfortunately part of our lives. Bad start to the day’s trip and the first hiccup in what has been a very smooth trip up to this point.


Heading to Jacksonville, we already knew that we had tickets to the wrong day of the rodeo. Sean accidentally bought ones for Saturday instead of Friday. We didn’t think too much of it because the tickets we bought cost more than the Friday ones and the lady at the ticket office said it shouldn’t be a problem. At about 9:15 we arrived at our destination. In all honesty, I thought there was a pretty good chance that the GPS was leading us to our deaths. This place was in the middle of nowhere and it was a pretty sketchy drive on some back roads until we arrived at our shithole of a destination.

A George W. Bush doppelganger was running the ticket booth. He seemed nice enough at first and we politely explained what happened with the tickets and were promptly denied entrance… some nonsense about the computer systems not allowing it. W noticed my hat and then said, “I know Moosejaw, that’s by Detroit. Ick!” He then went on to make disgusted noises regarding NY, Boston, Jackson, Austin, and California as we mentioned where we were coming from and where we were heading. “Too many liberal democrats in Austin.” “Ugghhhhh, California, ick!” “Boston and New York? More like Sodom and Gomorrah. Ick.” W said he liked the views in San Francisco, but that there were too many “flights” there. Sean misinterpreted this as an odd criticism of the San Francisco Airport, rather than as the homophobic barb it was meant to be. So just to review, he hated every place in the US, except Jacksonville, San Antonio, and the views in San Francisco (although there are homosexuals who occasionally obstruct those views). We thought we could talk our way in, but we were just wasting our time with this dickhead. Good first impression of Texas for me.

Sean was furious. I really thought he was going to snap. The rage consumed him. He reminded me of an infected from 28 Days Later. This all culminated with Sean asking Francella to do this – the first shot fired it what Sean promised would be a full-fledged multimedia war against the town of Jacksonville, Texas. Fun times for the next few hours on the way to Austin. If by fun, of course, you mean awful. We made it to Austin around 2:30 AM and Laura welcomed us with a nice setup in the living room, which was much appreciated. Today sucked; it reminded me of Brandon Bird’s Bad Day on the High Seas.


- Kyle

181209 - I'm sure you get this all the time

Although we’ve yet to reach Phoenix, I’m apparently raising Arizona already, as three people have independently told me that I look like a young Nicolas Cage in the last week. Not the most flattering celebrity comparison. This is the worst thing to happen to me since The Weather Man.



- Sean

181209 - Mississippi Queen

Heading to Mississippi we had one mission: go shopping at a new breed of pawn shop. In the market for a new VCR, a couple chainsaws, and some other guy stuff, we knew Dynamic Pawn in Jackson was our only option. I’ll get back to this a little later in the post.

Sleep in the Kentucky camper was pretty good, better than the tent anyway. As we headed off to Mississippi, Sean had the fantabulous idea of hitting some more states on the way down to Jackson. We ended up driving through Tennessee, Missouri, Arkansas and back through Tennessee on to Mississippi. I think we were trying to set a record for the most consecutive pointless trips across the Mississippi River. Mission accomplished. All in all a pretty good drive.I would be neglectful of my blogging duties if I didn’t mention Francella’s beautiful voice when singing Mississippi Queen on Rock Band. Her angelic voice (which is comparable to a sound a cat would make while being raped by a horse) guided us straight to the capital city of Jackson. So I’d like to thank her for that.Once we entered the city limits of Jackson, we headed straight to the address of Dynamic Pawn. When we got there, we were appalled to see a textbook rental store in the place of one of America’s historic sites. Really, Jackson? The deep anguish we felt was very similar to Sean Penn’s reaction to finding the body of his daughter in Mystic River. This was a low point of the trip, but we had to push forward. Just keep on living although we knew nothing would ever be the same. Sean and Kyle are like TNT. We know drama.The idea for lodging was to hit up a Southern style B&B. The Buie House didn’t answer phones or doors, however, so we had to find a new place to stay. We ended up stumbling upon this place called Cabot Lodge. It was just what we needed. Right when we arrived, there was a free happy hour for all guests along with a popcorn machine. I had my first great night of sleep on the trip.

The next day we headed to State capitol building of Mississippi. We wandered around the grounds and then went inside to check it out.


The State House of Reps was actually in session, so we stayed to watch some of the bill voting. Following the tradition in Mississippi, we decided to have a good old-fashioned debate regarding the pros and cons of slavery. As you can see below, it was pretty intense. In the end, it was a stalemate.
- Kyle

180883 - Barhopping with a baby

After the breathtaking Skyline Drive and the breathleaving Drive Through West Virginia, we found ourselves in one of my favorite states, Kentucky - where the grass is blue and the age of consent is 16. We spent about two hours meandering down a scenic byway admiring the rolling hills and grazing thoroughbreds. The drive was enjoyable if somewhat uneventful, interrupted only by Kyle wondering why the grass was actually green and staring a little too long at each high school that we passed.

After about eight hours, our longest drive of the trip so far, we ended up at Mammoth Cave National Park. Because we arrived relatively late in the afternoon, we decided to push the cave tour back to the following morning and called it an early night. We set up camp, cooked a couple cans of Chef Boyardee, and watched a Dale Earhardt fan feeding deer out of his hand.

The next morning we awoke early for a 9:30AM cave tour. They offer almost a dozen different tours of Mammoth Cave, which cover various sections of its 350 miles of underground chambers. We chose the Violet City Lantern Tour - a 3 mile tour lit only by lantern light. Upon arrival, we were met by our Ranger guide Joe and his sidekick Bill. Bill had a little withered hand like Eric Hitchmo. At one point Kyle took a flash photo in the cave and Bill snapped, "I don't agree with that in the work place." Do you not know who Eric Hitchmo is? Who's been to the Coventry Conference?

Immediately following the cave tour, we hopped back in the Gray Ghost and set sail for Smithland, Kentucky, just outside of Paducah. My Grandma Gray, who passed away earlier this year, lived on an awesome farm in Smithland for over 20 years. A lot of my best memories as a kid happened on that farm – catching snakes, turtles, and frogs to put in my makeshift terrarium/kiddie pool; playing late night games of penny Rummy 500; and drawing from my grandmother’s infinite well of quirky Southern jargon.

While a young, newlywed couple live on the farm now, they were gracious enough to let Kyle and I stay in the camper in back. Thanks Dan and Sarah! Dan grows organic tomatoes and varied other produce for sale at a local farmer’s market, while Sarah takes care of their 14 day-old baby girl Lucy. In addition to letting us stay in the camper, Dan and Sarah were nice enough to take us out on the town to a local restaurant/bar called Flamingo Row. Lucy was leaning towards having a low-key night in, just staring at her fingers and pooping herself, but at the last second decided to tag along. Apparently, bringing newborn babies to bars is pretty standard fare in Kentucky, as my circus haircut got far more crooked stares than an 8 lb baby.

Back at the farm, we listened to an old CD of Dan’s bluegrass band and were regaled by crazy stories of his days as a hitchhiking Gypsy musician. This morning, we said our goodbyes and hit the road.

I assure you, our time with Dan was not nearly as awkward as this picture would suggest. Off to Jackson Mississippi friends.

- Sean