183693 - Is anyone still reading this?

Hi, it's me Francella (pictured below with one of Lexi's pals)! I met up with the gang for the weekend and will be retrospectively blogging about the Vegas stop.

I arrived early, so I played nickel slots by myself for about 2 hours. When the boys finally arrived, they were stinky and hairy and had bad news. The car had a crazy exploding leak of a colored liquid that fit neatly into the ghostbusters theme of the past few posts.

The amazing thing is that it happened the moment they pulled into the parking spot at the MGM. This was both incredibly lucky and incredibly troublesome given the fact that the Gray Ghost still has about 1,000 miles ahead of it.

We decided to forget about all that and drink our troubles away at the MGM pool. There we lounged it up in 121 degree heat, watched drunk floozies freak dance in front of young children, and played "Guess who's a prostitute?" After we all contracted VD in the MGM pool, we ate some sushi and played an hour or so of blackjack. That's when THE REAL PARTY STARTED. Kyle and Sean finally had the opportunity to experience one of these 'clubs' that Akon has been talking so much about.

Sean met Phil Ivey and peed his pants about it.

Following the clothed-people club, we hit the strip club. It was only the second time I had been to one, and I was assured that this was a classy place. I was expecting to see beautiful women in fancy lingerie doing acrobatic tricks on golden stripper poles. Well, none of that happened, so at about 4 am we called it a night.

The next morning was the Wynn Buffet. Dumplings, omelets, prime rib, eggs benedict, ceviche, and anything else you can dream of was enjoyed by all.

Unfortunately, it was time for me and Georgie to say goodbye to the roadtrip crew. :(

Oh and you may have been wondering what happened to the car. A friendly mechanic came to our rescue and told us that there was a small leak in the coolant tank, but that it was nothing serious. This guy manages to keep this vehicle running, so we figured his advice was pretty sound.

The guys were just cautioned to carry TONS of water with them as they go through Death Valley and to make sure the radiator was always full. I'm sure they'll make it just fine...

- France

183425 - Cañon Especial

Hello nation, multi-racial guest blogger Dave here. After readjusting all the crap in the Gray Ghost to accommodate Georgie and I, we started our day right - with some Denny's grandslamwiches and a side of friendship. Our time at ASU was drawing to a close; it got a little dusty in Colpitts's apartment when we had to say goodbye.

Along the way out of the 115 degree Phoenix heat towards the Mediocre Canyon, Georgie and I saw our first black bear...
...that was headed for this...
Our plan for the day was simple: photograph the Grand Canyon in all its splendor and glory:

And look out for Indian men posing for justusboys.com (Editor's note: This is a link to gay porn).
Things got a little bit complicated when Kyle began practicing Shotokan karate on the lip of the canyon. Georgie and I were pretty confused.
That's when Sean and Kyle found themselves locked in a harrowing fight to decide who got to spoon with Georgie in the tent that night. Things were starting to make sense.
Kyle flung Sean's waif-like body over the edge. Sean just managed to grasp a tiny ledge and held on.
With all his strength, he pulled himself inch-by-inch from the mighty fissure. With a new appreciation for the fleeting nature of life and love, he shared his deeply-held, but rarely-expressed feelings for NBA superstar Grant Hill.
Needless to say, our day was a huge success. And to top it all off, we got to hear Georgie use his finest pick-up line on a young, utterly terrified park ranger ("I'm from Maryland") and listen to Kyle's understanding of how the Grand Canyon was formed (highly concentrated meteor shower...seriously).

The sunset was average at best.
So we headed off to our campsite, which we paid for with quarters, nickels, and a one dollar I.O.U. Between the shooting stars we all saw (except Georgie), the bro-bonfire, bro-beers, bro-cheddar brats and bro-tunes, Georgie could no longer quell his animal impulses and broke into dance. All of us wore our hearts on our bro-sleeves that night.

Next stop: Vegas, baby, Vegas.

- Cantu

183224 - Last Night in Phoenix

Oh, hello, I didn't see you there - I'm Georgie. I'm dropping in at the Brohawks and Beards blog to write a guest post or two and to share my experiences on what has become one of the most infamous road trips of all time. After being delayed for 15,165,259 hours at JFK, I finally got into Phoenix at around midnight. Sean, Kyle, and my fellow guest road tripper, Dave Cantu, had already made it out to local Arizona State hot spot, the Mill Cue Bar. They were accompanied by ASU legend and all-around good guy Mike Colpitts AKA Mikey Pepperoncini. As I made my way to the bar in a cab with a malfunctioning air conditioner, I was struck by the fact that the thermometer was north of 100 despite it being almost 1am. The intense heat was unfortunately no anomaly and would prove to haunt the Bros for the entirety of our time in Tempe.
When I arrived at the Mill Cue Bar, I was greeted by Sean and Kyle with a pair of elaborate, awkward man hugs. I have to say I was pretty impressed by the length of their bro-beards. I was particularly fascinated by the pubic quality of Sean's. After seeing Colpitts double-fisting Long Island Iced Teas, I realized that everyone was several, several rounds ahead of me and decided to get a round of shots. This 'take a shot - admire a beard - take a shot' cycle continued for a while. Somewhere along the way Kyle had used his charm (or more likely some sort of powerful Hobbit magic) to lure two girls into our friendship circle. After a lot of witty banter between us dudes and these two impressionable young nymphs, we were shocked when they left without telling us where they were going.

We were thinking about sticking around, but everyone was pretty tired from chasing those two girls down the street; so instead, we decided to go get some Jack in the Box and call it a night. Unbeknowst to us, Kyle had other plans. While Sean, Cantu and I piled into a cab (Colpitts had been involuntarily escorted from the bar several hours earlier), Kyle closed the sliding door of the minivan cab while standing on the outside of it. After finally getting him in the cab, we headed to Jack in the Box and got a pretty huge feast, with semi-edible delights ranging from jalepeno poppers to burgers to egg rolls. On the way back to the Grigio, Colpitts's apartment complex, Cantu managed to pass out and completely forget that we had ever stopped for food. When he did wake up, Cantu was polite enough to thank us for the food which he had ordered himself 10 minutes beforehand. After finishing our meal on Colpitts' cardboard dining table, Sean, Cantu and I decided to have a few swimming competitions out in the pool. Kyle, unfortunately, had had enough by that point and fell asleep on the couch murmuring something about Colby O'Donis.

When we made it out to the pool, we all competed in several swimming and handstand events. Sean won a fair amount of these competitions because of his half-fish, half-human body. We ran into a couple bar friends at the pool and enjoyed a few more bro-brews. During our 4-hour pool session, no less than 3 different groups of scantily clad ladies happened upon the pool. Apparently it's against the law in Arizona for girls to wear bathing suits so that was fun; either that, or we had accidentally stumbled onto the set of the Bad Girl's Club. My favorite of the girls repeatedly insisted that she was a mermaid and would continually swim into your leg in mermaid swimming form to reinforce the fact that she was indeed a mermaid.

With so much rowdy mermaid activity, the local apartment rent-a-cops were eventually called in on a noise complaint. Cantu thought this was an ideal time to take several steps back from the pool and do a huge front-flip/cannonball maneuver that left everyone within a 50-foot radius soaking wet. Needless to say, the fuzz were none too happy with that move and quickly tried to remove us from the pool area. After some smooth talking from Sean, they let us stay. We hung out in the pool for a bit longer and, in typical fashion, CLOSED THE DEAL with the scantily clad ladies. And by closing the deal I mean staring at them a little longer before going back to Colpitts's apartment to pass out. Colpitts's roommate is some kind of Eskimo and keeps the apartment at a brisk 52 degrees. I'm pretty sure I caught a case of minor hypothermia, but at least I got to sleep on the couch, which is more than I can say for Sean and Cantu. It was a great start to the trip for me and Cantu. We're both looking forward to our next stop - the Grand Canyon.

- Georgie

183224 - Is he cute? Is he brown? Is he clean?

The ghost finally pulled into Tempe at around 3AM, where we were greeted by my favorite 7th-year sophomore, Mikey Colpitts. After Colpitts had shown us his burgeoning import/export business and his obscene collection of shoes that I didn't think white people were allowed to buy, we called it a night.


I wish there was more to write about, but 48 hours into our stay here in Tempe, our trip can really be summed up by one picture.


In a few short hours, the roadtrip roster will double as Dave and Georgie fly in from the east coast. Look forward to some GUEST BLOG ENTRIES from both of them!@!!@#$

- Sean

183202 – Fear and Loathing on Bro'back Mountain

After tens of minutes of rigorous academic inquiry, Kyle and I finally bid farewell to the International UFO Museum, Research Center & Autistic Science Fair Emporium. Unfortunately, we missed out on the famous Roswell bicycle tricksters. Continuing our push westward, we set our sights on Las Cruces. Along the way, we stumbled upon the world’s largest pistachio at the McGinn Family Pistachio Tree Ranch. Driving through the middle of nowhere, it really came as a surprise to see these nuts.


Kyle, didn't you bring some mescaline?


Things started disappearing.


Our eyes slowly opened.


We found ourselves in a world without color.


We were no longer slaves to gravity.


Kyle decided to chase the dragon.


We finally stumbled upon the road back to the known.


Back on earth, we headed for Las Cruces where we stopped briefly for lunch at La Posta de Mesilla. Kyle and I threw down a couple enchiladas, Bloody Marias, and some of the best chips and salsa I can remember. The plan was originally to stop for the night in El Paso, which is only a half hour south of Las Cruces, but after the otherworldly events of the past 48 hours, we decided to head all the way to Phoenix, to Casa de Colpitts. It's finally time to reunite the gatekeeper with the key master.

- Sean

182597 - Alienz, you guys! :-O

I’m sorry for the delay, but I’ve had a severe case of blogger’s block of late.

So we left San Antonio behind and started heading across the nothingness of Western Texas towards Carlsbad and Roswell. Sean couldn't stop talking about how awesome Roswell was, but first we had to hit up the Caverns of Carlsbad so he could take his shirt off and look like a zombie. We got there around 5 pm, just in time for the last round of cave tours. The cave itself was pretty sweet. Much like Mammoth Cave, I was reminded that this was my natural habitat. 54 degrees. Perfect for my hobbit-like ways. Sean had actually been here before. He liked it so much, he forgot he was there until he saw the nipple rock formation. Cool. Anyway, we saw some crazy rock formations along with stalagmites and stalactites. It looked like a landscape from another planet 750 ft below ground. This was clearly a prelude to our alien adventure in Roswell.The only thing I worried about was this as we wandered around the cave.
Fortunately, no creatures from The Descent attacked us and we made it out alive. We were then able to enjoy our surroundings above ground.














Later that night, we saw a bat flight, not to be confused with a bat fight. A lady forest ranger prepared us for the game of honor and diplomacy that is bat viewing. There were about 7,000 questions from the crowd beforehand. This one little jerk (he was about 4 years old) not only asked a question that had already been answered, but then got confused as to what he was asking, “Do the bats eat da… da… da… (looks at parents for help)… (pauses for 3 minutes)… (told to say insects by parents)... ins…insec (looking baffled)... I mean bugs?" Great question, you stupid moron. Everyone already knew that they ate bugs when it was answered 10 minutes ago. What a waste of time. Pay attention... puhlease! He's lucky a table wasn't thrown at him.

Some of the other more adorable kids had fantastic questions.“Why do the bats sleep upside down?” “Do the bats ever turn into vampires?” "Did you know the human head weighs 8 pounds?" Really well done, mates. Excellent questions.

I had great expectations for the bat flight. Unfortunately, it was just ok. Minor disappointment. After the bats, Sean suggested we set up shop at a campground in White's City. Sort of racist if you ask me, but Sean was all for it. I thought he crossed some lines when he did this later that night at a talent show. Too soon, Sean. Too soon. It was only about 97 degrees in our tent that night. Two Sweaty Men, One Tent. Such a situation often leads to this. Sean was almost sprayed by a skunk. Perfect night.

We woke up at around 5:45 this morning and set out for Roswell. Sean had a lot of work to do at the International UFO Museum and Research Center. I was able to enjoy it a little more without worrying about the tedious research. 15 minutes and $5 later, I think it's safe to say we learned quite a bit.I tried to open an alien door to another galaxy.Sean was trying to connect the dots and make sense of it all.We saw an alien autopsy.We enjoyed the 5th grade science fair feel to the museum.Kyle McLachan and Martin Sheen made an appearance.At the end, they couldn’t think of anything else so they put up X-Files and Roswell (the series) posters. Learning.
We added a new friend for the Gray Ghost.Roswell is for (alien) Lovers. It is also stupid and pointless.

- Kyle